"When Technology Fails to Communicate" (or I could also title this, "No, I am not pregnant.")

Interesting title, huh? Allow me to explain:

I have more than made my feelings about another pregnancy quite clear to my family (um, no thank you). However, Christmas Day, I was made aware of their expectation of a big announcement. (My answer is still, um, no thanks.)

It was quite comical, really.

On the road from TN to KY, I sent a series of text messages back & forth to my siblings who were already at mom & dad's house.

The texts I sent were VERY straight forward and purely about our travels. Apparently, they were reading between the lines (the lines that were non-existent, I might add) and were just sure I was trying to tell them something.

Here, let me show you:

TEXT #1:
Ellen: "Got a late start. Big surprise! Be there around 1:30 pm"
Ellen Translation: "We got away late. That's not really surprising, now is it? [sarcasm implied]. We'll arrive around 1:30 pm"
Family translation: "We have a BIG SURPRISE!!!! Can't wait to see you around 1:30pm and tell you what our BIG SURPRISE is!!!!"

TEXT #2:
Ellen: "eta 4 cousins?"
Ellen's translation: "What is the estimated time of arrival for the other cousins?"
Family translation: "There are not 3 cousins coming with me from Nashville, but 4 FOUR, count 'em, FOUR cousins (1-John, 2-Maddy, 3-Will, 4-NEW BABY!!!!)"

Lastly, a CELL PHONE CONVERSATION:
Ellen: "When we get to the house, you all stay inside because the kids have a surprise for you. They want to ring the doorbell and do something, so just stay inside until we get there."
Ellen's translation: John & Maddy had been practicing Christmas carols and wanted to serenade the family with a new tune...but wanted to do it "carol style" by ringing the doorbell.
Family Translation: THIS IS IT!!!! THEY ARE GOING TO ANNOUNCE THE PENDING BIRTH OF YET ANOTHER PRECIOUS GRANDCHILD! The kids will have on "I'm a big brother/sister" t-shirts and this is going to be awesome.

I really should have kept their fantasy going, though--they were SO nice to me! "Ellen--you sit here and relax for a spell. A woman in your condition shouldn't be working so hard....Here, let me fix you a plate.....Oh, allow me to chase Will for a while! You just rest....."

So sorry to disappoint, but it's not happening, folks. And if I were having Nashville Cousin #4, I can guarantee you I wouldn't be announcing it via text (as my sister in law Aimee so comically pointed out). You'd probably have to pick me up off the floor!

Merry Christmas!!!

We've been up since 6:15 am (the kids let us sleep in this year!) and have done the presents, eaten the cinnamon rolls, and the kids are now playing silently with all the new toys. It's a Silent Morning and I love it! We've had a fabulous Christmas so far--looking forward to spending a few days in KY with my family!

I'll leave you with a few seasonal photos:

Our annual trip to see the Ace Hardware Santa Claus

The theme of this Christmas, for us, has been "Will screaming." If you were "lucky enough" to receive our family Christmas card, you will notice this thread continuing nicely in that photo. Oh, what the heck, I'll post it here again. It was just lovely enough to share once more:

MERRY CHRISTMAS, everybody!

and of course, a very Happy New Year!

My long term memory works just fine, thank you.

This morning, Michael asked me what I had going on today. I said I needed to wrap...(as in "wrap presents".)

In an attempt to be funny, he proceeds to spray me with a stream of saliva in a fit of beat boxing...(as in "rap songs").

In an attempt to be even funnier than he is (always my goal), I consulted the very back, very dark recesses of my brain and came up with a CHRISTMAS RAP, courtesy of Run DMC:

"It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens. Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens"

He busted out laughing so hard and had to know WHERE the heck that came from? You think you know your own wife....then she comes up with Run DMC lyrics. He's not so sure about anything anymore.

Now, mind you, I have never rapped in my life. I had no idea I even knew that song. So, of course I had to consult the only person who would likely know why and how I knew this song.

A phone call to my older brother Keith confirmed indeed that he was responsible for exposing me to this video over and over one Christmas. He then went onto sing the rest of the rap for me and so, now you know that my entire family is officially crazy.

If you'd like to see for yourself, click here and prepare to be dazzled by the talents of Run DMC.

Thank you, Nestle.

A few weeks ago, I played a little game with some girlfriends about holiday traditions. There were 3 questions:

IF NOT FOR YOUR KIDS, which holiday traditions would you:

1. want to ditch?

2. want to begin?

3. want to keep forever & ever and make them feel guilty if they don't do it too when they grow up.

My answers:

1. DITCH: I would totally ditch the whole mess of making sugar cookies and decorating. It is SO messy. You find sprinkles in all the crevices of your kitchen for months afterwards. Not to mention the sugar high and crash that ensues. Plus red dye frosting stains your countertops. Fights break out over who gets to decorate THAT angel because THIS angel has a broken wing. Did I mention that I do not like making cookies with my kids? I feel so guilty admitting this! I mean, what kind of mother am I? I could get my motherhood license revoked for this confession.

2. BEGIN: go to a midnight mass or candlelight service and then sleep in the next day.

3. KEEP: reading Christmas story from Luke and a big breakfast on Christmas morning.

Well, glory be! I have had the honor of revising my "Ditch" answer because Nestle has come up with the best thing since sliced bread. "Christmas Shapes Sugar Cookies". It's a package that has the shapes already cut out. You just bake and decorate with the pack of icing already mixed and ready to stain, eh, I mean spread.

Oh yes, I'm sure you've seen it and given it a little snide glance as you strolled past this "kit" on your way to the baking aisle to pick up your granulated sugar, vanilla, eggs, and flour to make a Homemade Christmas.

But, I have no shame. My "Mom of Excellence" status has been redeemed and I am back in my kids' good graces because we bought this kit and did the sugar cookie baking/decorating thing on Saturday. And I stayed happy and joyful and loving through the whole experience.

Nestle has saved Christmas, once again.

If you want, post a comment and answer my questions: Had you no children to dictate how Christmas is run around your home: What would you ditch? What would you start? And lastly, what tradition do you hope to keep for all time?

Crime & Punishment

When Will became mobile, he quickly discovered a great little spot in our house we like to call the toilet. No, he's not an early potty trainer--he prefers to splash in it with his hands. G-R-O-S-S. Grody. Really nasty habit, if you ask me. He has a sensor on his body that alerts him at the very moment that the bathroom door has been left ajar.

So, I posted little signs on all our bathroom doors..."PLEASE CLOSE DOOR" [notice that I did demand politely].

I talked with the whole family about it. I demonstrated how it was done. I sang songs about closing the bathroom door. I even made certain people who were responsible for leaving the door open SCOUR Will's hands when he was caught in the act of potty splashing.

Well, enough is enough.

A few weeks ago, John was the one responsible and I was just tired of it.

So, I came up with a sure-fire solution to get him to remember. And...it served double duty! He needed a little extra handwriting tutoring, so I had him write 50 times:

"I will remember to close the bathroom door."

And it's WORKED! He is the ultimate bathroom door closer in our family.

Now...any ideas for how to get my husband to remember?

That's my boy!

Will's first words were "mamamama" and "dadadadada". We're not sure which one came first and there is hot debate in our house over who won his heart first.

However, we discovered this week that his next word was none other than...

COOKIE.

[it sounds a little like "cooka" however, but you know what he means, right?]

He has become our resident Cookie Monster this Christmas with treats everywhere we go. The funny thing is, he's still got little skinny legs, but that's probably from all the moving he does. The boy does not stop. Unless he is in bed asleep, he is on the move!

Which makes for one tired "mamamamama".

Biggest Loser--the Biggest Finale!

Oh, we've worked so hard to get to this point, readers, and here we are!!!

The goosebumps have already formed on my arms and my eyes are already teary. This is the best episode. This is why we watch! This is what makes it all worth it! I love seeing the look of satisfaction and peace and happiness on their faces when they show up at the finale having more than reached their goals.

Here we go:

Recap, recap, recap. It's amazing to watch the recaps and see the contestants from the beginning--they have changed so much!

Recap, recap, recap.

Recap, more recap, followed by a touch more recap.


Ed vs. Heba:
Who did I vote for? Well, no one, actually. But, who did America vote for? Let's take a look.

Let's see how Heba did at home...SHE LOOKS AMAZING!!!!! She does not look like the same person. Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Let's check out Ed now....NO WAY! He is looking so good! Again, like a totally different person.

I'm so proud of the orange team!

ED WON AMERICA'S VOTE. Even though he pled (pleaded?) for America to vote for Heba. Ed blamed the economy....I think it's because Heba was so tight with mean ol' Vicki the whole season and everybody wanted to punish her for that. I do feel bad for her. That has got to be humiliating....I truly feel sorry for her.

Now it's time to see the 13 elminated contestants:

And they just look great. I especially can't believe how good the ladies look! Stacey takes the lead early on, followed by Phil just shortly, followed by Amy! Amy & Phil (husband and wife/red team) were SO close in their weight loss percentages, but Amy just BARELY won. Good for her!

Heba's weighing in now. And, did she beat Amy? YES. Heba won the "at home" biggest loser. Too bad--I wish somebody who truly did it "at home" would've won.

The Final Weigh In

Vicky, Ed, and Michelle are going to show us their new look. The ladies are having all kinds of trouble walking in their heels tonight! Vicky almost bit the dust, same as Heba earlier in the show.

Before they weigh in, however, I REALLY hope we can get a little recap about the season. NOT. Come on, people! We have had all the recap we need! Get on with it! If you took away all the unnecessary recap and product place (Subway!) ads...you'd probably have a 45 minute show. Which would be just fine, y'all.

Ed: Starting Weight 335. Ending weight: 196. 139 pounds lost for 41.% weigh loss!

Vicky: Starting Weight 246. Ending weight: 145. 101 pounds lost for 41.06% weight loss. CLOSE, but no cigar. I'm kinda glad...I was not her biggest fan.

Michelle: Starting Weight 242. Ending weight: 132. 110 pounds lost for 45% weight loss.

YEAH!!! Michelle won! Way to go...