Middle School Dance: Take 2

Yes, it's been a LONG time since I blogged here.  As I pondered what to start with as my first post of 2012, I realized I had a lot of directions I could go.  Perhaps I'd start with the tale of how my husband had a little mini-retreat with his elevated liver enzymes at a hospital while we were on vacation in Florida after Christmas.  Or, maybe I'd go the sentimental route and tell about how my heart melted yesterday when my youngest came home from school and declared that we'd been too "Busy Biz" lately and that he just wanted to spend some time with me.  Or, I may have decided to write about how I'd become overwhelmed with the thought of blogging when there are SO MANY GOOD BLOGS OUT THERE already!!! 

Alas, I decided to break my silence.  And not with any of those items....

What I decided to write about today is what I am most excited about this week:

I have been given clearance to chaperone at the middle school dance!!!! 

When I say "clearance," you may be thinking that I've been through the approved background/reference check process that some schools may employee to allow volunteers to work with your children, but that's not the one I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the clearance that my child has given me in order to show up and be visible to his friends, enemies, and even his frenemies. IN PUBLIC.  Y'all.  I'm allowed to be in public at a dance where my child will be where his friends might surmise that he has a MOTHER.  (Remember that age when you tried to convince the world that you were an island because nobody--and I mean nobody--had parents are un-cool as yours?)  We're not quite there with my oldest (he's almost 11), but I fear that's on the horizon, so I'm going to jump at this chance to see him in action at the middle school dance because it may well be my last. 

I was banned from the "Glow in the Dark Winter Wonderland Dance" back in December and assumed that would be the trend for all his middle school dances.  Imagine my surprise when the permission slip came home and he oh-so-casually said "You can come" when I saw the little check box next to "I would like to chaperone." 

You know I checked that box with a sharpie and sent it in the next day. (I would've hand delivered it to school that very minute had the office still been open.)

Overly excited emotions in check, I have given my word all week that I will behave--I keep telling him that I want to be invited back and therefore will be on my very best behavior.  (Mantra of the week:  I will not dance or sing on Friday. I will not dance or sing on Friday.  I will not dance or sing on Friday. I will not dance or sing on Friday.)

We've been practicing, even-- I will probably be selling concessions, so I've had practice sessions.  I will stand behind the table in our kitchen with "Party Rock Anthem" blasting on the ipod and the kids come up to me and we do pretend transactions.  (yes, I'm serious.)

ME:  "Would.you.like.some.chips?" [monotone, flatlined voice]
KID:  "Yes! I would!"
ME:  "thank.you.very.much.that.will.be.50.cents." [hand them chips]

HOWEVER.  I started thinking.....  I'm kind of addicted to pop music.  The more Beiber-y, Miley-y, Selena-y, Party Rock Anthem-y, Jagger-y, whatever....the more Top 40 it is, the more likely I am to break.it.down.  I can still do the worm, for crying out loud!!!  What an absolute waste of energy, enthusiasm, and TALENT for me to go and boringly sell a bunch of junk food when I could be dancing to Rhianna!!!  People.  This is going to be a total identity crisis for me and I've been trying to come up with some sort of compromise.

So, today I started thinking..............

What if I restricted my moves to the concession stand?  And, what if the moves corresponded to the very moment when I am walking within the concession stand to get a red Gatorade?  Like this--somebody asks for a Gatorade....I do the "Dougie" back to the Gatorade department.  OR, a child requests Sour Punch Straws and I go shuffling back to the candy area, get their order, and then shuffle  right on back up to the counter? 

What do you think???

Here's what I think.  What follows is a photo of me (and several people who will KILL me for posting this pic--sorry girls!) at my middle school dance.  I think we will all agree that I need a SERIOUS do-over.  Here's my chance.  Friday.  TOMORROW. 

I. CAN'T. WAIT.

(I'm second from the left...)

So this is Christmas....and what have you done?

3 days until Christmas!  It's been a good week....but I'd be lying if I didn't say that some of the days have gone on a little long...  However--take heart! Yesterday was the winter solstice which means it's all going to get brighter from here on out! 

So, a few quotes and pictures of what has been going on here lately:

Let's start with the quotes:
ME to my friend Kara (who was at the Y where I should've been this morning):  "Please don't ever let my kids talk me out of going to the Y...it's like Armageddon around here."

ME to my children this morning: "Who wants to be in charge of getting my Diet Cokes for me today?" (I especially wanted thy youngest child who was still raising the roof long past 10:00 and up around 6:00 this morning to volunteer for this one.)

ME: "Will you all please just act like human beings?!?"
WILL:  "I don't want to be a human being!"

WILL: "Can I have a Christmas cookie?"
ME:  "We don't have any."
WILL:  "You better start cooking then."

JOHN: "This is the best day!"
MADDY: "We love doing fun stuff like this!"

OK, then, it's all worthwhile!  Here's a few pictures that showcase/reiterate some of the quotes above as well as some other happenings from the week:

Maddy made stations this morning. Here's the Dance Floor.  Next picture (which I apologize for its' sideways nature) is the Craft Center:

My favorite Cooky Book to use during the holidays.  My mom used this one growing up and I got a copy a few years ago.  I think Will is going to be glad to see this one out....

O.M.GOSH.  :)  My brother texted me this picture yesterday of what's going on in KY at my mom's house.  Save some for me!!!

These days, my "alarm clock" usually consists of a text from a child telling me they are ready for breakfast....sometimes accompanied by a photo of a seriously bedheaded child.

RAINY.  We'd rather have a little snow...but nonetheless, this just makes me glad I took them to the zoo yesterday when it wasn't rainy and that I chose today as our day to finally use a Bounce U groupon that's getting ready to expire.  3:00 can't get here soon enough...

Oh mercy, I don't know.  Stuff just happens around here and there's no explanation.

Shrinky Dinks!  We're having a very retro Christmas....

Christmas Week: a mini pictorial

Merry Christmas!  We are T-6 days until the sleigh lands here and school is OUT.  Which means, I'll probably be interrupted writing this post about 7.4 times in the next 5 minutes.  "Mom--can I download this app?"  "Mom-can you pour the milk?" "Mom-he took my TINKERTOYS!"

This brings me to picture #1 which we will entitle "Tinker Toys:  a blessing and a curse." 

The tinkertoys were a $2 garage sale mistake investment this fall and they have given us MORE than $2 worth of enjoyment.  However....when two or more children are feeling tinkerlationally creative, there quickly becomes a shortage of orange rods or yellow wheels or blue spokes.  And that, my friends, is a recipe for a Christmas disaster.  Tinkertoys quickly become Tinkerweapons/Tinkerwhips/Tinkerguns. I quickly go from Mrs. Claus to The Grinch in about 3 seconds as I navigate my way through that obstacle.  (Can I also say that when you are done playing with the Tinkertoys, the clean up is MASSIVE.  The box clearly states with pride:  "over 200 pieces!" and let me tell you--you've never seen so many hiding spots for these plastic pieces. 

(pause: if I were writing this post in REAL TIME, you would've already witnessed my referree whistle coming out for one Tinker Toy dispute and just now, child 2 walked/stomped whilst weeping as she left the Tinkertoy zone headed to her room.)

One last bit about picture #1:  notice the "Kid Tree" in the background.  I did it this year!  I finally let them have their own tree to make as ugly as they wanted decorate this year. Please notice it in the back corner...hey, somebody turn the lights on!

Perfect Segue to Picture #2:  "The Tree of Inner Peace". 

In an earlier post, I referenced the fact that I've been parenting a baby or toddler for over 10 years now which has really cramped my Christmas decorating style.  Hazards everywhere!  Plus....they just destroy anything nice that we have (can I get an AMEN!?!?) so I just haven't bothered to put much out.  This year, my "baby" is four and I was feeling ambitious which made me EXCITED to decorate with nice things and have my very own tree which we all now refer to as "mom's tree ot inner peace."  I. LOVE. IT. I know you're supposed to love people, not things, but let's just agree to make an exception on this one.  I LOVE MY TREE OF INNER PEACE.  It is decorated with brand new ornaments that I picked out that make me extremely happy.  It is in the downstairs/kitchen work area to which I am chained to much of the day, so it's the perfect spot to have a little extra inner peace coming at you, if you know what I mean.  Nobody is allowed to touch it. Nobody is allowed to add to or take away from it--just like the Bible. Nobody can take away my inner peace when that thing is lit!  My husband has decided that we shall have a tree of inner peace up YEAR ROUND.  So, when you come visit me in April and the tree is still shining, you'll know what's up.

Photo #3: The ever-watchful Gingerbread man.

I'm sure you have heard of "Elf on the Shelf" by now.  It is an epidemic (yes it is--I said it: an epidemic!) that is sweeping elementary schools and causing consternation within my home because I refuse to participate. Basically--you buy this kit that includes an Elf and a book.  Elfie keeps a watchful eye on the behaviors and misbehaviors of the home's children and reports to the North Pole each night to tell Santa who's been naughty or nice.  Each day the elf "moves" to a new spot and often causes a mess himself that the kids all get a big kick out of.  It's all fine and innocent enough except I have enough going on in my life during the holidays without having to create a mess in the name of an Elf that will honestly creep the kids out.  (Personally, I never liked that whole "He sees you when you're sleeping" gig... I remember waking up on Christmas night when I was a child, having to go to the bathroom WEALLY WEALLY bad...but being so afraid that I might see Santa during his annual stop at our home that I just "held it" all night!) But I digress....  SO--after much pleading and begging (because we are apparently the ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE AN ELF!!!MOM!!! FOR REAL!!!) my daughter has just made her own little "elf" game in the form of a construction paper Gingerbread man.  She moves it to a new spot each day and threatens her little brother with the wrath of all things horribly un-Christmassy when he misbehaves....all because of the ever-watchful eye of the Gingerbread man.

Photo #4:  Save the best for last!!!
I just had the best surprise!  My brother and his family were traveling from ATL to KY today to bring home a friend from the Ukraine for a few weeks and I got a call that they were passing through Nashville and WOULD I LIKE TO MEET THEM FOR LUNCH!!! Would I?!?  You bet!!!  So I just got the best Christmas week 2011 surprise ever--a bonus visit with my sweet brother, sister-in-law, 5 nieces and nephews and their new friend Sveta!  When we pulled up to Zaxby's (because that's just how fancy we get when feeding 10 children and 3 adults) and all the cousins poured out of the restaurant (narrowly avoiding a drive-thru demise!) to pour our the hugs and high fives, I honestly got tears in my eyes.  In the famous and oft-spoken words of my big sister:  I just love my family.

Sonic Boy

I love Sonic.  But not the food...just the drinks.  But not all the drinks...just the Large or Route 44 Diet Coke with Vanilla, easy ice. (mediums and smalls don't taste the same--I mean it...for real.)

If I am driving anywhere near the vicinity of a Sonic before 10:00 am (99 cent large drinks!) or between 2-4 pm (Happy Hour! 1/2 price drinks!), my van has a magnetic draw to the drive-in.  Some of my friends say I have a "Sonic Sense"--like Spiderman's Spidey-Sense that tingles.....well, I have a Sonic Sense that lets me know when a Sonic is nearby even if it's in a city I've never been to before.  You should totally road trip with me--gotta see it to believe it!

Anyhow, apparently Sonic Sense is genetically passed down because my 4 year old Will has expressed similar characteristics/traits and I couldn't be more proud. UNTIL....

Recently we were driving on I-65 toward Costco when he was in TEARS over not going to Sonic. (It was after 10am/before 2pm....otherwise known as "Sonic-is-dead-to-me" time.)  His life was in SHAMBLES....all he wanted was a POWERADE SLUSHIE!!!!!  PLEASE!!!!  (insert tears....crying....moaning....you get the idea...)  Well, we happened to be passing the backside of a Sonic on the otherside of the highway. 

After that much emotional wear & tear and in a moment of potentially bad parenting (probably my first such moment of the week...), I said, "Fine!!!  Unbuckle your seat belt. Climb up front. Open the side van door. Jump out of the moving vehicle. Roll down the hill. Climb that highway fence. and JUST. GO. TO. SONIC."

He stopped crying immediately and said, "MOM! don't be ridiculous!!!  I don't even have any money or coupons."

Christmas: A Season of Thanks & other randomness

Things I'm thankful for this Christmas season:
1.  Chocolate covered Christmas treats
2.  Cookie Swaps
3.  Cranberry Margaritas at the new Vanderbilt Chuy's
AND....
4.  Spanx


In other news:
I want off the merry-go-round!!  The last week of school before Christmas break is NUTS.  Every. single. year. If you have school-aged children, I'm sure your schedule looks a little something like this:
Monday 9am-1pm:  2nd grade field trip to Traveller's Rest Plantation
Monday 8:00-9:30 pm:  Middle School Band Concert
Tuesday 9:15 am:  2nd grade Christmas program
Tuesday 12:00 pm:  Women's Ministry Planning Meeting
Wednesday: NOTHING.  Don't call me--I'm not answering the cell tomorrow.
Thursday 10:00 am:  preschool Christmas program; middle school teacher's luncheon
Friday 8:30-11:30:  2nd grade holiday party; 5th grade party--send chocolate covered pretzels; don't forget teacher and bus driver gifts.

Add to these "special events" (which--let's face it....when they're all crammed into the same week, the special-ness seems to fade...): the normal carpooling, Sunday School teaching, laundrying, cooking, parenting/wifeing/familying/neighborlynessing duties and I can only say that I want off the merry-go-round! 

I will get my chance to get off this merry go round in just a few days....school gets out at 11:30 on Friday and they are mine-all-mine for the next 19 days.  YOWZA. 

At that point, I will begin subjecting my children to bad jokes 24-7...  For instance, this morning John came downstairs wearing a red shirt and khaki pants.  (You know--the Target employee uniform).  Every time somebody wears that combination....well, I. cannot. resist. asking. them:  "what time does your shift start?"  "Sir, can you help me locate the batteries and lightbulbs?" "Do you happen to carry vacuum cleaner bags for an upright Dirt Devil?" Or some other random Target-stock-related question.  This is perhaps the most overused "joke" in my repertoire...it only gets an eye roll these days.  I tried SO HARD to not make the "joke" this morning, but well...."Excuse me, can you help me locate the anti-diarrheal medications??"  (You may be wondering just exactly who IS the middle schooler in my house after reading this last paragraph.)

And on that note....Merry Christmas!

A Ninja for Christmas

See if you can spot the Christmas Ninja....

Doorbusting on what shall forever now be called "Red Thursday"

I, like so many of you, I imagine, was completely appalled by the fact that so many stores were open ON Thanksgiving Day this year.  Initially, some stores announced that they would open at midnight and I thought that was crazy....but then that seemed sane & smart compared to the announcement by Old Navy, Big Lots, K-Mart, and a few others that they would actually be open all day on Thanksgiving Day.

I thought it was completely un-American!  How could they?!? Think of the workers!  They don't get to be with their families on Thanksgiving Day!  OH, THE NERVE!!!

So, you can imagine my surprise when I found myself in a car with 4 others on our way to Big Lots and K-Mart at 7:00 on Thanksgiving Night. 

I know what you're thinking--"oh there must've been an emergency and somebody got sick and you needed Sprite and Saltines."  Nope.  "Well, then--peer pressure got the best of you, Ellen. The others weren't standing for the same values that you were and you succumbed to their evil plan to make people work on Thanksgiving Day." 

Um, I don't know how to say this, but....it was actually my idea.  I just wanted to get out of the house.  We'd been looking at the circulars all day & mapping out a Black Friday plan. Couple that with my serious Kohl's-Black-Friday-prices-online-Thursday SCORE (A $250 pre-lit Christmas tree for $65...plus KOHL'S CASH!!!) and I just caught Black Friday Fever and couldn't possibly wait a few more hours to get it going.

So, around 6:30 on Thanksgiving Night, myself along with 4 female family members loaded into the car and headed out.  We're not completely heartless, though--all 5 of us did have an internal struggle about the shopping.

Note the time on the clock...it's 6:38PM

Here are a few of the quotes from the trip to our first stop:  BIG LOTS (oh, do we have class!!!)

"My heart is saying no...but my wallet is saying yes."

"We are actually being pro American -- it's for the good of our country to stimulate the economy on the most American holiday!"

"We aren't doing anything wrong...we're just walking thru the doors that have been opened for us."

"We are so so opposed to this--like 100% opposed to this. But the employees will be there whether we show up tonight or not. So we may as well go and make it worth their while.  We'll even wish them a 'Happy Thanksgiving!' "

"I'm going to really weigh my decisions about what to buy...not going to buy things willy nilly." 


Who can resist the siren call from The Big Lots WALL OF EXTREME VALUES!!!

Everything was just peachy at Big Lots and we had gotten over our guilt until we were checking out at the very end.  My sister-in-law asked the cashier if she had a good day and if she got to spend anytime with her family....  Her answer?  NOPE. They were going to have to celebrate another day because she had to work.  The manager then came over to get involved and add to the conversation.  AND I QUOTE:  "If more people would've stayed home today, we probably wouldn't have to be open next year on Thanksgiving." 

Boy, did she know how to knock the wind out of our proverbial sails!  We felt like Thanksgiving had just become RED THURSDAY....the minute we handed over the green to pay for our wares, we had blood on our hands.

YOWZA!  Did we ever feel bad!  We felt so bad that I made this terribly scary face on our way into K-Mart.  (What?  You didn't think we actually went home after the Big Lots manager made us feel guilty, did you?!?)

K-mart was a hive of activity--lots of workers and everybody seemed just thrilled to have people stop by.  There were plenty of people out shopping and it made us feel a little less-dirty for breaking tradition and not waiting until Friday to celebrate Black Friday.  All in all, it was a good experience and we shopped until we dropped....or until they kicked us out at 9:00 to prepare for the REAL Black Friday...

To my partners in crime:  'Til next year, girls--it was a blast & I can't say that I learned my lesson or that I'd never do it again...