Alas, I decided to break my silence. And not with any of those items....
What I decided to write about today is what I am most excited about this week:
I have been given clearance to chaperone at the middle school dance!!!!
When I say "clearance," you may be thinking that I've been through the approved background/reference check process that some schools may employee to allow volunteers to work with your children, but that's not the one I'm talking about. I'm talking about the clearance that my child has given me in order to show up and be visible to his friends, enemies, and even his frenemies. IN PUBLIC. Y'all. I'm allowed to be in public at a dance where my child will be where his friends might surmise that he has a MOTHER. (Remember that age when you tried to convince the world that you were an island because nobody--and I mean nobody--had parents are un-cool as yours?) We're not quite there with my oldest (he's almost 11), but I fear that's on the horizon, so I'm going to jump at this chance to see him in action at the middle school dance because it may well be my last.
I was banned from the "Glow in the Dark Winter Wonderland Dance" back in December and assumed that would be the trend for all his middle school dances. Imagine my surprise when the permission slip came home and he oh-so-casually said "You can come" when I saw the little check box next to "I would like to chaperone."
You know I checked that box with a sharpie and sent it in the next day. (I would've hand delivered it to school that very minute had the office still been open.)
Overly excited emotions in check, I have given my word all week that I will behave--I keep telling him that I want to be invited back and therefore will be on my very best behavior. (Mantra of the week: I will not dance or sing on Friday. I will not dance or sing on Friday. I will not dance or sing on Friday. I will not dance or sing on Friday.)
We've been practicing, even-- I will probably be selling concessions, so I've had practice sessions. I will stand behind the table in our kitchen with "Party Rock Anthem" blasting on the ipod and the kids come up to me and we do pretend transactions. (yes, I'm serious.)
ME: "Would.you.like.some.chips?" [monotone, flatlined voice]
KID: "Yes! I would!"
ME: "thank.you.very.much.that.will.be.50.cents." [hand them chips]
HOWEVER. I started thinking..... I'm kind of addicted to pop music. The more Beiber-y, Miley-y, Selena-y, Party Rock Anthem-y, Jagger-y, whatever....the more Top 40 it is, the more likely I am to break.it.down. I can still do the worm, for crying out loud!!! What an absolute waste of energy, enthusiasm, and TALENT for me to go and boringly sell a bunch of junk food when I could be dancing to Rhianna!!! People. This is going to be a total identity crisis for me and I've been trying to come up with some sort of compromise.
So, today I started thinking..............
What if I restricted my moves to the concession stand? And, what if the moves corresponded to the very moment when I am walking within the concession stand to get a red Gatorade? Like this--somebody asks for a Gatorade....I do the "Dougie" back to the Gatorade department. OR, a child requests Sour Punch Straws and I go shuffling back to the candy area, get their order, and then shuffle right on back up to the counter?
What do you think???
Here's what I think. What follows is a photo of me (and several people who will KILL me for posting this pic--sorry girls!) at my middle school dance. I think we will all agree that I need a SERIOUS do-over. Here's my chance. Friday. TOMORROW.
I. CAN'T. WAIT.
